Editor’s note: This is a parody!
Ladies, you had a vision of your husband’s retirement. The golden years. The reward for decades of hard work. You imagined leisurely lunches, a little quality time together, perhaps some gentle pottering in the garden.
What you actually got was a grumpy old man in a recliner asking what’s for dinner at 10am – while reorganising your spice rack alphabetically and explaining, with great patience and authority, the correct way to load the dishwasher. You’ve only run this household single-handedly for fifty years, but rest assured, he’s found a better system. Bless.
Sigh. Bite your tongue. Count to ten. Or better yet – send him to the Menz Shed on Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
The Menz Shed is essentially day care for men, and nobody is pretending otherwise. He arrives. He grunt-greets twelve other blokes. He picks up a piece of wood – and suddenly, miraculously, he is a ‘Man with Purpose’. He is building something. He is useful. He is not colour-coding your pantry.
At the Whitianga Community Menz Shed, he has an entire workshop at his disposal – hand tools, bandsaw, drop saw, lathe, angle grinder – and nobody is watching him with that look. For two glorious mornings a week, he is not a hazard to be managed. He is a Man with a Mission. A Man with a Power Tool. And he knows how to use it. (Or someone will quietly teach him.)
He is, frankly, somebody else’s problem – and he has never been happier.
Morning tea is the beating heart of the whole operation. Chocolate biscuits appear and vanish at a speed that defies explanation. This is where the real work gets done – the laughing, the ribbing, the tall tales delivered with a completely straight face and zero remorse.
Secretary Fred Collins sums it up perfectly: “The Menz Shed is where wood gets turned into sawdust and lies into truth.” Fish get bigger. Career highlights grow grander. The story about the time someone “almost…” gets a fresh embellishment every single week. Nobody minds. Nobody calls anyone out. What matters is the laughter, the friendship, the camaraderie – the quiet, uncomplicated comfort of belonging somewhere.
For a couple of hours on a Tuesday or Thursday, men get to be one of the boys again – enjoying the kind of easy, no-fuss friendship that most men didn’t even realise they’d been missing.
It’s not therapy. Nobody asks how you’re feeling. There’s no herbal tea. Instead, you solve the world’s problems, debate the wood grain, mutter darkly about the council, and argue passionately about the rugby. Real conversations. Real mates.
The loneliness dissolves. Purpose reappears. The fog lifts. Turns out that laughing with other men and talking about things your wife has absolutely zero interest in is, very good for your mental health and general wellbeing. Who would have thought?
So men – don’t be grumpy. Get off your rusty dusty. Go build something.
Your wife will be thrilled – partly because she’s proud of you, and mostly because the moment your car left the driveway, she moved the spice rack back, reloaded the dishwasher properly, and is currently enjoying the silence.
Everyone wins.
You'll find Menz Sheds in Whitianga, Thames, Whangamata, Matarangi, and Pauanui. Give Glenn or Fred a ring. They're good blokes. They'll see you right. Glenn Schache (President) – 027 495 2015 Fred Collins (Secretary) – 027 245 4105.
