Toan Hyunh and Gay Holmes; 2025 – Toan Hyunh who came from Seattle for Gay’s 80th Birthday.
BY SARAH-JANE LEE of Whitianga, using Gay Holmes’ and Toan’s notes
In the early 1980’s, a Kiwi woman, Gay Holmes, was living in Singapore with her husband Brian, who was stationed there as a soldier serving in the New Zealand Army. Their two daughters, Leanne and Sandr, attended the New Zealand forces school. Gay’s life intersected with that of a Vietnamese boy and his sister, refugees from the war-torn country of South Vietnam who had become separated from their parents. This is a story of an improbable friendship that began in the most challenging of circumstances.
Toan Huynh and his sister Thao, were among the many children housed at the “Children’s House” for Vietnamese refugees, a special place for those who had survived perilous journeys on rickety boats and whose parents were still in Vietnam. They were known as the ‘boat people’ and came across the ocean for years after the Vietnam war ended in 1975. Toan’s own harrowing journey lasted seven days, with only rainwater to sustain them.
Escape attempts
“When I met Gay in the Singapore camp, that was my eighth boat trip attempt to escape,“ says Toan. “The previous seven attempts to escape, I did not make it to the sea. I was captured by the Vietnamese Communist police force on the sixth boat attempt. I spent 6 months in prison, together with others who committed different levels of crime. I had no family visit rights. The guards chained my legs to a heavy bar in the cell. They let me out once a day to shower. When I returned to my home in Vietnam, I developed rashes on my body because I accumulated too much toxin (drank filthy water from the river). It took a year with medication for my body to cleanse. This was a terrible experience for me as a13-year-old.
Toan, by now fifteen, and his younger sister, found temporary refuge at the Hawkins Road Refugee Camp, Singapore.
Gay was a volunteer nurse at the camp’s clinic. Despite the significant language barrier, a special connection formed. Toan’s warm smile and broken English captured Gay’s heart. “They became my special friends,” says Gay. “Toan would appear at the clinic to see me, closely followed by Thao. I really looked forward to seeing them.” To this day, Gay keeps a well-worn copy of her Vietnamese-to-English medical translation of medicines and how much to dispense phrases – a tangible reminder of their time together.
During his stay at the camp, Toan and his younger sister were taught essential life skills of western culture in terms of cooking, cleaning, and self-grooming. They were so quick to learn the English language. Not knowing where their parents were or what kind of future awaited them, meant the regular visits and the kind attention from Gay were a comforting and reassuring fixture in what had been a chaotic and traumatic world for them. “They were attached to me and I became attached to them,” says Gay.
A new chapter in Toan’s life emerged when he and his sister found out that he was to be repatriated to Hawaii to live with his uncle. This was going to be another major cultural shift, immersing him in the American way of life.
“It was very sad saying goodbye but we promised to keep in touch,” says Gay. It is a promise they both have kept to this day, 42 years since they said that goodbye In Singapore. This unlikely promise has been kept, strengthening the bond between Toan and his family and Gay and Brian. It started with letters after that first parting.
Toan would write letters from Honolulu and so the friendship across the two families developed. Toan and his sister were finally united with their parents five years later. who had also had perilous journeys trying to reach their children.
Over the years, Gay and Brian made trips to Honolulu to reunite with Toan and his family. They visited Toan in Seattle, and stayed with the family.. Toan was building his career after graduating from the University of Hawaii.
In 1995, Toan saved up enough money for his first visit to New Zealand. One particularly memorable day was spent on a sheep farm in Taihape with Gay’s father, Grandpa Lou, where Toan learned to blade shear sheep. Toan and Brian also went rabbit hunting on the farm, creating another lasting memory.
Toan went on to develop his career in the biotechnology industry, where he is responsible for ensuring the safety and effectiveness of medicines. His work has taken him around the globe to companies in South Africa, West Africa, India, Russia, and Asia. He is married to Tawnie, a pharmacist at the local hospital in Seattle. They live in a lovely home with their two children, Colin and Cara, are now young adults.
This year, Gay celebrated her 80th birthday. Toan made the trip from Seattle to be with Gay and her family and friends for this very special birthday and to affirm their cherished, long-distance friendship.
These days Gay and Brian live in Whangapoua and Toan and families communicate and share news on Facebook messenger and phone calls. Their connection has transcended distance and time, built on countless shared memories. Toan calls it ‘an unbreakable bond.”
