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This Week’s Issue

Technology to aid the search for productivity

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July 8, 2025

What the village needs is someone to offer a robot-based lawn mowing service.

BY GORDON T

My old gardener was looking a bit morose the other day. He had done a solid 45 minutes weeding in the front garden and was enjoying a fresh cup of coffee, beads of sweat dripping, but not smiling and not talking. I asked him if he was ok and he nodded. However, he then explained he needed to make more money. Apparently, my gardener’s wife’s shopping habits were putting pressure on the family budget; a common problem for many.

“Your issue is productivity,” I told him and went on to explain my understanding. “Productivity is how much is earned in a given time period, and the general way to improve this is by technology”. He gave me a look of total incomprehension, so I carried on. “I’ve been thinking of an idea which may be the answer to your current problem.”

My gardener brightened up at the thought of a solution to his problem and motioned for me to continue, which I did.

“The people providing lawn mowing services in the village are a noisy bunch. If they aren’t waking you at 8.00am mowing the neighbour’s lawn, they are turning up just as you have sat down on the patio with the vicar and a freshly opened bottle of sherry. They are necessary but annoying, so I have come up with an alternative which a bright entrepreneur such as yourself could benefit from.” My companion was starting to look enthusiastic and asked me to explain.

“What the village needs is someone to offer a robot-based lawn mowing service. Once a week a robot turns up, quietly spends a few hours mowing the lawn then disappears. Job is done and life is not disturbed”.

I could see my gardener was thinking about this when he asked me “How would the money work? Robots must cost a bit?” I explained to him that a robot lawn mower costs about $2000 so at $30 a mow he should have covered the cost within 14 weeks, presuming 5 mows a week. “Crikey!” he exclaimed “So after 14 weeks I can just sit back, relax, and count the money. Is that what productive means?” I nodded and went on to explain that if he had a fleet of 10 to 15 robots he would be quite comfortable, and his good lady could shop to her hearts content.

Another cup of coffee was called for, with a wee drop of sherry for flavouring, and the conversation continued with my gardener asking me detailed questions. Firstly, it was about sign writing, as robots would need to be identified and of course be an advertising source. We came up with a few name suggestions but settled on DOG Lawns, DOG standing for Doddery Old Geezer. You could launch a few advertising jingles around that name. We also discussed delivery, getting 10 to 15 sites each day could be an issue but together we came up with a solution, – drones!

The concept was taking shape with launching a couple of drones with a DOG in their grip and, upon delivery, returning for the next one. They would only need to make half a dozen trips a morning, and another for pickups a few hours later. Should be quite achievable. But my friend and gardener could see a problem which he pointed out; this being space for storage as there wasn’t a lot of spare room in their cottage.

This took a bit of thought but I became inspired by thinking about old solutions to such problems and announced the solution to him.

“You need a pigeon loft above your shed” I said. He nodded; “That could work. We would need a comfortable chair, good TV and a fridge but we could make that work”. We spent a bit more time discussing the design of the loft; launching area, storage requirements, TV size and so on. The plan was coming together and my companion pencilled up a list of tasks that were needed before launching the service. There was quite a bit to do but, having provided the inspiration, I felt he could look after things from here.

Enthusiastically, just before midday, my old gardener drained his sherry and announced he had work to do and must depart. As I saw him off, he turned to me and said, “That was four hours for today;” and departed. Productive indeed!