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September 16, 2025

Gordon tries to sell produce at the gate.

BY GORDON T

I’ve been under a bit of financial pressure lately with the rates bill coming in with another 10% increase and various insurance bills also crippling my superannuation income. I’m wondering whether I could just get my super sent directly to these money grabbing monsters instead of teasing me with the thought that I actually have a small income. Regardless it has become obvious that I need to re-enter the commercial world and generate some additional income and I decided the easiest way to do this would be by selling avocados as I had plenty on the tree that would not be used by me.

I decided to run an honesty box system and to build a small booth for display of product and a receptacle for the payment to be provided. So there I was, with posts, wheelbarrow and concrete making materials outside my gate as I was digging holes for the posts I was to concrete in when I heard a screech of brakes, looked up and saw one of those shiny TCDC Utes pull up beside me. An agitated looking fellow jumped out and without any civil greeting asked me what I was doing. Being polite I told him and enquired as to what business of his it was. He puffed out his chest and stated “I am the Building Consent Officer in this region and as your building is over one metre tall it will require a permit”. He then set about telling me what I needed to do and, pulling out a small hammer from his back pocket, hammered a Cease and Desist notice onto the handle of my shovel.

I carried all my stuff back inside and over a cup of tea discussed the official visit with the wife. She encouraged me to carry on, which she would do as the increased demands on our income was threatening the chardonnay procurement program we had underway. So I drew up some plans, made some drawings, put lines and numbers on, and wrote a whole lot of notes to describe the construction methodology and Health and Safety Plan I was to put in place. Then I scurried down to the council where I filled in a 37 page consent application form, attached my notes and submitted the pile to the nice lady at the counter.

A month later I was pleased to receive my consent so I carried all my stuff outside the gate again, put on my hi-vis jacket and hard hat and attached my safety line to the letter box. I then commenced digging my four post holes and once done was starting to mix concrete for the first post when a familiar squeal of brakes could be heard. Looking up I saw a stern fellow get out of his shiny new TCDC Ute and approach the site. “Hi” he greeted me, “I was unsure when you were starting but see I am just in time to inspect the post holes”. I didn’t know they needed inspecting but apparently they did so he looked in them, measured the depth and made some notes. He nodded to me and said “They are fine, make sure you get a concrete inspection organised for when you start pouring the foundations”. I told him I was pouring them now so why couldn’t he inspect the foundations now. He couldn’t though and explained “I’m the hole inspector, you will need the foundation inspector for the concrete”.

The building project went on for some time with a succession of inspectors in shiny new Utes calling by as my booth rose all the way to its magnificent height of five foot. At last it was finished and I was prepared to commence my selling activities. I had prepared for this and, after consulting the council, found I needed a Street Hawkers Avocado Licence to sell these fruit on the street. Fortunately the two months needed to procure one of these passed while the construction project crawled forward so I was prepared to move into full gear on the sales front once the building had been finished.

That is when I came upon another problem, the avocado season had finished and I had no stock to sell. Not to worry I thought, there are heaps of lemons so they will do. Bags of lemons were picked, a sign made and the whole lot carried out to the front along with the winged piggy bank to store my income. All was arranged nicely and I stood back to admire the effect when once again I heard a small squeal of brakes and looked up to see a nice new TCDC EV pull up. A young lady hopped out and frowned at me. I smiled back and she said “My records show you are licenced to sell avocados so could you explain what you are doing?” I frowned and she smiled back. I explained the seasonal aspects of fruit growing and she just shook her head. “I suppose you are going to tell me I need a lemon licence” I suggested quietly. “Don’t be silly” she said, “A citrus one will do it, that includes limes, mandarins and oranges as well. We are here to help small business people, we are on your side”.

I packed up all my bags of lemons and wheel barrowed them inside, went upstairs and made a cuppa. “Darling” I addressed my wife “we are going to have to cut back on the chard”.