I had the stereo playing the other day when the gardener made his way to my beer fridge, the song at that time being ‘Taxman’ from the Beatles. The Gardener’s foot was tapping as he handed me a beer and sat himself down, saying as he did so, “Good thing we don’t live in those times, we have nothing to fear from the tax man”. I had to raise an eyebrow at this, so he carried on. “Well, you pay me cash and I presume don’t declare what you pay me?”
I had to smile at his simplicity and remarked, “Actually I claim you as a donation, seems to be a more accurate description than labour.” He grimaced at the cutting remark and replied, “Well, at least that is about the only tax issue I have and it’s quite minor. Hopefully the election won’t change much.”
I paused before replying, had a sip of beer and then stated, “If you vote for the current government, you won’t get much change of tax but if the left get in, we will all be in for some shocks. Labour have stated they want to increase government spending by billions and will have to tax us or borrow heaps to pay for this.” The gardener shook his head and replied. “But Hipkins said he would only bring in the capital gains tax to pay for our doctors’ visits. He carried on “Mind you, it is almost impossible to book three doctor visits a year in Whitianga; they are always booked out.”
I had to smile at this comment, recognising its accuracy, and then explained; “The other prospective left coalition parties are all demanding change and saying this will be a bottom line for them, so I would bet that Hipkins will find a reason to change his mind.” The gardener finished his beer, “I don’t really understand how this would effect a mere gardener of advancing years”.
“Well, there are some curly taxes on the left’s policy list” I said. “For example, Te Pati Māori want a vacant house tax. Not much detail is provided but imagine being taxed for leaving your house vacant while you take your annual holiday in Bali. Would really be upsetting to get a tax bill when you come back through customs, wouldn’t it?” The gardener grimaced then replied, “However, we will get eight weeks of free Kai on their suggested Kai Tax Credit scheme”. I had to laugh. “I want our eight weeks to be filled with crayfish, caviar and champagne, after all a credit when you are stuck with mince, pork sausages and kumara isn’t much chop ( but no lamb chops in the free kai)
We both concentrated on another beer before I broke the silence saying. “They all seem to favour versions of wealth or asset taxes just based on asset value. Pretty hard to pay when you don’t have much declared income. You may end up being accused of money laundering.” My companion looked pained and gasped, “You aren’t suggesting I will need to declare my income, are you?” I hardly nodded but solemnly, before carrying on. “Of course, they all seem to want versions of transaction taxes on sales of assets and land; such as the capital gains tax and stamp duty which will make things pretty difficult for landlords buying and selling rental properties, especially as they will bring back the landlords’ tax.”
The gardener was looking really pained now and he was obviously thinking about his rental property nest egg he was relying on. He did not look happy. “Is there no good news from the left?” he asked in a muted tone.
“Well, there is a Land Banking tax proposed but I dare say it won’t apply to Māori due to some clause in the Treaty so you need to check your genealogy, you might not have to pay that on the spare section you own if you have a glimmer if you can claim your Māori descent”. That made the Gardener smile a bit and he remarked “I know I can come up with a small percentage. And of course, aren’t a few of them saying they will lower taxes on those with lower incomes.”
I leaned forward and broke the news. “That is true, but taxes are worse for those on higher incomes, so I have decided I need to cut costs. I have decided to buy a robot lawn mower. It will save a small fortune on beer.”
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