Many philosophical and psychoanalytical texts talk to the power of projection. In its core definition, it is attributing something from one’s own mind to the world or to other people, rather than recognizing it as one’s own inner state. The great psychoanalyst Carl Jung called it “an unconscious transfer of subjective contents onto an external object, so that what is really ‘in here’ is experienced as ‘out there’.”
At its core, the world we see is a mirror of the thoughts we hold. We don’t perceive things as they are; we perceive them as we are. The meaning of any experience is always filtered through the hues of our own perspective.
Imagine you see a beautiful golden retriever on the beach. If you once owned a similar dog and he had passed away, you might look on him lovingly, and it might bring back sadness at his loss, as well as a reminder of all the love you had for him. Then imagine a person who has a keen dislike for dogs. They might be thinking, “What a nuisance – I hope he doesn’t run over here and jump on me!” The dog is still the dog, happily running up and down the beach, simply being a dog. But the experience we attribute to the dog is vastly different between people, simply based on our own experiences with dogs. We are seeing the dog through the lens of our past.
And I’ve noticed we do this all the time with situations as well. A lot of the anxiety I created surrounding an event or experience was shaped by my past and how I have viewed similar situations. When I was younger and less experienced, I used to get extremely anxious in the business world when I knew I was going to be in front of a lot of people, giving a lecture or talk to people I had never met – something I had started doing weekly, so you can imagine how wound up I was! My mind would race: “Will they like what I have to say? What if they don’t? Will I do what I did that one time when I lost track of where I was? I made a fool of myself that day.” The lecture hadn’t even happened, but here I was, future-tripping and imagining the worst possible scenario. I needed to look at it like a blank slate and reframe my thoughts with only positive ones. And it worked!
With people, many of us do the same thing. We are very good at creating a past inventory of what they did or didn’t do to us: why we don’t like them, why they are ‘dumb,’ etc. Or we might like these people and think fondly of them. When the interaction happens, the outcome is already set to play out the way we envisioned. If we can give people the benefit of the doubt more often, imagine how we could change our interactions! After all, don’t we all want more friends? What can we learn from people who have a different viewpoint on issues? It’s a much healthier perspective, and chances are we will walk away feeling a lot better than if we had let our negativity take over.
Sigmund Freud first gave this idea life before Jung expanded on it. In Freud’s psychoanalytic theory, he stated: “It is the process of attributing one’s own unacceptable thoughts or feelings to someone else.” So, if what I hear and see coming from another person is frustration, it might be my own frustration coming out, not theirs. Simply put, it’s a defence mechanism – a creation of the mind to deflect what we do not like. Racism, homophobia, misogyny – the list goes on – have roots in this concept. It has been a tool used to drive the belief of “them vs. us.” Countless wars and conflicts have their basis in this simple but powerful trick of the mind; we see it all around us every day.
It might be interesting to try to stop before we reacted and consciously became aware of what we were thinking about the other person and simply decided to tweak it. Ask ourselves: how would I act if I had never met this person before? You might surprise yourself and enjoy the interaction – and walk away with a friend rather than an adversary.
Feel like commenting or getting in touch? You can reach me at: ananda@seismicaudit.com. You can also find me online at: www.linkedin.com/in/anandalaberge.
