One of the most beautiful things in life is having experiences. Some people might say…well, only if they are good experiences.
What makes it good? It’s the preferences we give to them. We all have preferences, things we like to do, a million things…travel, joy with loved ones, the list goes on and on. But what about the “bad” things. Why are they bad? Mostly because we might attribute them to our own suffering.
So then, do we have a choice in our suffering? When I think about those things I realize that because of them I usually don’t repeat them. If I do, then why? Haven’t learned the lesson, I guess. Once learned, I don’t need to go through them anymore. Then I’m on to the next experience.
The attributes we give to every experience defines our current state. What if everything we go through is taken at face value without attaching a good or bad to it? I strive for this, to just live the experiences and enjoy them all because that is where personal growth is. So, I try to experience as much as possible, especially new things, things that will challenge me, that will make me feel or see things differently. That is a form of learning about myself and the world.
I struggle with suppression; I shouldn’t eat this or that, I need to work out today because I didn’t yesterday even though I just want to be lazy today. If we constantly suppress ourselves we are suffering more because the suppression is in abstinence of desires. But what if our desires are ‘bad for us?’ Who defines it as bad? Us or social media or a friend? We have to experience life not suppress it. Through the experience we learn when something feels good to us or not and therein is the learning so we don’t have to suppress it anymore, we have learned from it and it may not be a desire any longer.
The world and all its experiences are going to happen, but they don’t happen to us, they happen for us. If we want to evolve and be in a place of peace, we must be open to the experiences, even those we may not enjoy. But why don’t we enjoy some of them? We might say it hurt. Why did it hurt? Was it because you had a preference? The pain we attribute to the situation is one we have created. That is why you see some people going through similar experiences without the pain.
Think about a trip you might have taken in the past. When the flight is delayed, you see people react all kinds of different ways. Some people pick up their book and keep reading, others might go to the desk agent and get irate with them. A choice, your choice. Who is more at peace in that situation?
But what about something more serious, you might ask. Say you have lost a partner. You weren’t ready to lose that partner. So, you grieve. You experience deep grief; it’s not good or bad, it is what it is and it’s healthy. If the grieving continues for the rest of your life, whose choice is that? Is it still healthy for you? How has that impacted your life? Has it made it better or worse? There is also a choice that exists for each of us to be joyful or not. If we continue to do things that do not bring us joy, what is that? Why is that? We either enjoy being sad or we don’t know how to get out of it.
I do not speak of this lightly having lost many loved ones over the years. What I have learned is that sadness begets sadness and making a choice to enjoy all experiences for what they are has made this life journey much more exhilarating.
Having preferences is part of the human experience. It’s how we look at those preferences and the power we attribute to the outcomes that dictates our mental state often. This brings the issue of expectations into this conversation and these I find to be very dangerous. Think about a movie someone recommended to you; they rave about it. You go and think ehhh, it was okay. What if you had gone into it without having heard how great it was?
Each experience we have is unique to us and only us. How we react to that experience is also unique to us. Having a choice is a wonderful option, let’s choose wisely.
◾️Feel like reaching out? Email me at: ananda.laberge@gmail.com
