I always considered myself an over-achiever. At work, at raising my kids, at being a good wife, a good leader. What if I’m over being over-anything? Could it all have been a path to living a life-centred existence based on simply Being? That is the crossroads I stand at.
Busy-ness has been my mantra most of my life. But as I get older, I find my greatest joys now coming from doing only those things that bring me joy, without the added pressure or joy I used to get from crossing something off the list I used to write for myself every day. Those items on the list were necessary at the time, especially as related to work. I thought if I was unproductive that meant laziness. Now I see having the ability to do what I want now rather than what I was expected to do, brings a fulfilment of spirit. Like I am working one-on-one with the universe. To see what I am meant to see and experience without a schedule or a little voice in my head saying, “But what did you accomplish today?”
Merrian-Webster defines accomplishment as: something successfully completed or achieved after significant effort. It refers to a major milestone or a specific, hard-won skill attained through practice. But my goals and skills are now more esoteric. I want peace, and all those things “I did” before still left me empty of lasting peace.
Smelling a rose as I walk past my neighbour’s garden, hearing the giggles of happy children, feeling a warm hug from my husband, seeing the sunrises and sunsets, a walk in the forest, a swim in the sea, receiving smiles – all those things have brought me peace. How funny that what I was searching for all along was right in front of me. How many times have I focused so much on “achieving that accomplishment” only to be busy right away creating a new goal. Missing the journey in the process.
I follow Robert Holden, a well-known psychologist and spiritual teacher, and he did a TEDx talk back in 2018 titled, Destination Addiction. That was me. Listening to his talk put words to my feelings. This topic of not appreciating the journey to our goal has been many times written about. But we only hear what we are ready to listen to. I am listening now Robert so thank you for saying it in such a way that resonated for me.
I think of how hard I’ve worked my body on the way to all those goals. Swimming way too much to achieve gold medals and accolades, running way too hard to win that race, forcing my body to do such hard weight workouts that I could not walk for days. But that made me feel like I achieved…something. But that something never lasted, it only made me search for the next thing. To what end? I suppose to the end I have come upon now.
Lasting peace is built day be day and by doing that which makes our hearts big. It will be different for each of us. I have friends who “light up” when they speak of a weekend with their grandkids. That love transcends everything and so much more rewarding than accomplishing something. You can’t put that feeling into words, it just is. And that feeling keeps us alive and thriving. Thriving for the next thrill that love brings us. As I write these words, my heart grows. It comes from doing what I love – writing in this instance – rather than doing what I want to accomplish. Can we have love as a goal? Yes, but often it escapes if we don’t love ourselves first. How to get there can be tricky and yet simple all at the same time. I have found it by “not doing” anything. Simply connecting as the opportunity presents itself. That connecting can be through prayer, meditation, walks in nature, hugging a friend, a million different things. The important thing I now realize is that I make my goal to simply connect every day in any of these and countless other ways. I even make an effort to connect at the grocery store by choosing the aisle with an attendant rather than the self-checkout lane.
The beauty of connection is it helps us, but we also don’t know the joy it might be bringing those we are connecting with. So, for me, accomplishment has lived its life and now I just want to be with nature and with loved ones, and with that, peace has arrived.
◾️Feel like connecting with me? Reach out at: ananda.laberge@gmail.com
